Do you ever feel like a human cyclone? Like you’ve lost complete control of your body and emotions and you’re just running around tearing down anything that comes into contact with you… especially those closest to you? (*ahem*… your husband?)
And you aren’t quite sure why you feel this way. You aren’t quite sure what small moments throughout the day piled one on top of the other and caused you to come to this point.
But now you’re here and you can’t help it. Every noise you hear is too much noise. Every person walking past you is walking too close. Every sensory thing is too much for you. You just need quiet. You just need to be alone – in a room with no noise, no smells, no people, no light.
You just need to sprawl out on your back, arms and legs thrown out to all sides, and make your best attempt at breathing. But you can’t breathe. You haven’t been able to catch your breath all day. Your back is tense and it’s causing your breaths to come in short spurts, not the slow, deep breaths you need to pull you out of this storm.
Everything that comes out of your mouth feels like venom. You try to control it, but you can’t seem to stop. You’re well aware you’re being irrational, but that awareness does nothing but frustrate you more.
Somehow through all of this… the one you’ve driven the most crazy, the one you’ve hurt the most with your actions, and moods, and words – comes to find you in the dark room where you are lying, trying to catch your breath. Trying to find your sanity. And he quietly lays next to you and rubs your back. He asks if you’d like to talk about what is overwhelming you. He asks you what you need him to do for you. He tells you he’ll order carryout for dinner and asks you what you’d like.
Instead of spitting venom back, he remains calm, trying his best not to get carried away in the storm that is you. He is a sturdy tree, rooted firmly in the ground. The winds may blow his branches to and fro, but he always remains. He knows the storm will pass. The winds will calm. The rain will stop. And the sun will peek out from behind the clouds… if he just waits, and wills it to be so.
. . . . .
And if you’re extra lucky, on top of that… you have an adorable dog who senses your cyclone of a mood and follows you around the house like a shadow. Genuinely worried about your mental health and well being. Pawing at you, jumping up on you, licking you, and looking at you with an extreme sense of urgency and worry… Making you feel 100% loved, even when you think you least deserve.