I wrote Thursday’s post the night before we put Phoenix down because I didn’t think I could possibly manage a post afterward. I even told James in the car ride home from the vet this afternoon that there was no way I was posting anything until Monday, or longer – that my brain & body felt fried, empty, and exhausted.
But then, after coming home to an uncomfortably quiet and empty house… after a completely emotionally draining day… and after laying on the couch with James for hours on end, dozing in and out of reality… something in me popped. I needed to get up and do something. I needed to get out the words spinning around in my head. (Or, at least some of them.)
I’m not the type to just lay around and be sad (although I’m sure there will be plenty more of that in the next month or so). In general, I am a go-go-go person (as most of you know), and ultimately, I keep myself feeling sane (especially in times like this) by keeping myself busy. I also really like to talk – or in this case – write. It helps me manage my emotions, discuss how I’m feeling, and work my way through life.
So here I am. And I’m not really sure what I have to say, except for a couple of things…
1) I couldn’t believe the amount of support I received via this blog, facebook, twitter, phone calls, and text messages today. People I don’t even know who apparently read my blog, or follow me on facebook were coming out of the woodwork to support my little family – and I was amazed. Throughout the course of this insane and miserable day, I was comforted by all of your kind words, well-wishes and prayers. Some of you shared your memories of Phoenix and made me laugh. Some of you shared stories of your own losses and made me feel a little less crazy for being this gut-wrenchingly sad. Some of you simply said that my family was in your thoughts today. And all of it meant the world to me.
So I wanted to send – ONE – GIANT – THANK – YOU – out to all of you. And lots of virtual hugs. You have no idea how your support helped me through one of the most difficult days of my life.
2) For some reason, flowers always make me feel better (at least a little). So when James and I reluctantly stopped at Trader Joe’s to get a few items for the house – in hopes we will actually eat something in the next few days – I couldn’t help but pick up some sunflowers in memory of our little ray of sunshine. It wasn’t much, and it obviously didn’t completely help ease the pain – but when I walk past them sitting on our foyer table I smile and try my best to remember the happy times with our crazy little pup. I try to remember that she hated to see her mama cry and did anything she could to comfort me… so I should do my best to smile – because Phoenix liked that best.
**Side note – I’m working on making a “Phoenix” category on the blog (mostly for me to more easily access my stories, photos & memories of her), but also because some people have expressed interest in being able to more easily access those things as well. And now seems the most fitting time of any to make this happen…
