I realized it has been a while since I’ve officially shared anymore about our fertility journey here, so I thought I better update you all on what has happened since. This may be a little lengthy to get you up to speed!!! (If you want to see regular updates – make sure to follow me on Instagram where I post whenever there is anything to share.)
Last time I checked in with you guys was to chat a bit about how the month of May looked for us after going through the miscarriage early in the month. In short, it was rough…. to say the very least. Thankfully, it was a slower month for us with weddings (although we had a TON of sessions), which allowed us to get much more quality time with loved ones on weekends than we are normally able to have during wedding season. James and I definitely both grieved in different ways. I immediately dove head first into the deep end of grief, and he took care of me. I remember thinking… is he okay?? And then when I finally emerged from that haze – James dove right into it in my place… once he knew I was okay, that is. I hadn’t realized he was holding off on really FEELING what happened until I was coming out of it… but I definitely realized that was the case once he was in it. I don’t know how he does that… always putting me first and making sure I’m taken care of. It really amazes me, and I suppose in this case really helped us to get through this because we were each able to lean on the other when we needed.
I think the big turning point for me was once we were able to see the doctor after the miscarriage. Seeing Dr. Marut, discussing what happened and planning our next steps really helped me to put some closure on everything. I was still immensely sad, but I was hopeful at the same time. When we met with him he told us that there was no way to know that the embryo wouldn’t continue growing normally. It had gotten the highest grade and looked perfect going into the transfer, and sometimes that just happens, apparently. He said it was really positive that it implanted and that I got pregnant though. He said that was a wonderful sign and that the only problem was the embryo stopped growing like it should.
Then he let us know that after we confirmed everything was back to normal with me after the miscarriage, we could move forward right away with doing a frozen embryo transfer with one of our two remaining embryos my very next cycle. We said that sounded great and were about to head to talk to the nurse to schedule everything… but I just had to ask something before we left.
Even though he had reassured us, I still couldn’t help but feel that I had done sometime wrong to make the miscarriage happen… maybe I walked too much… maybe I didn’t rest enough… maybe I should have ate more pineapple… who knows… if it was an option, I thought it. So I just wanted to check with him if there were any stricter rules on what I was allowed to do after the transfer.
So I asked Dr. Marut, with tears welling up in my eyes, “Is there anything I can do different next time? Is there anything I shouldn’t have done this time?”
He frowned and shook his head, “There is nothing you did wrong or could do to change the outcome. The embryo just wasn’t ever going to grow the way it needed to, Christy. I’m sorry.”
James squeezed my hand, and I looked over at him, trying to hold back the tears… embarrassed that I was emotional all of a sudden.
Then Dr. Marut shook our hands and told us he was very optimistic for our next round and sent us to the waiting room until the nurse was ready to see us. We sat down and James said, “I think you have a text message…” I looked at him confused… wondering how he would know if a message had come through..
I unlocked my phone and there was a message from James:
(Cue me crying in the waiting room…)
. . .
We met with the nurse and sat down to schedule our frozen embryo transfer. The doctor wanted to start right away, which would have put our transfer on June 23rd… the day we were flying back from California. We explained that we had a previously scheduled work commitment and that we really couldn’t do it then because not only would we be gone when we were supposed to transfer – I would also not be around much leading up to that for all the appointments we needed. Then she said he could do June 27th. Again – not an option – we had a wedding commitment already. So we looked further down the line and only other available date to do the transfer with our doctor was July 7th. That ended up working best with our schedule (i.e. not on a wedding day) – especially given that they require bed rest for two days afterwards, so you really need to have some time open in your schedule…. so we said WE’LL TAKE IT! (And we are not so secretly excited that we think 7/7 is a good date… lucky number 7, we hope!)
The doctor advised us to only transfer one embryo. Because it had implanted the first time – he has every reason to believe that it will do the same this time. I asked him what did he think about transferring both of the remaining embryos, and his response was… “Do you want twins?” haha. (Actually – that would be the most amazing blessing ever at this point… so yes, please!) Really though – James and I knew that we didn’t have time for another chance this year (since we have wedding contracts for early 2016 wedding season already in place), and that I just couldn’t go through all this again with only one embryo and have the same thing happen again. I am really just too worried about having the same outcome. So we decided that we’d go all in and transfer both of the remaining embryos. We signed all the millions of consent forms and agreed to have both of the remaining embryos thawed and transferred on July 7th.
That meeting happened in early May (just a week or so after the miscarriage) – so we’ve had some time since then to just enjoy being ourselves and to move forward from all that we’ve been through. We got a schedule from the nurse about all the meds I’d be on and how everything would play out. Essentially they put me on birth control right away after that meeting so they could control the length of my cycle and had me take more active pills than you normally would to draw out my cycle so I could be on track for the July 7th date instead of June 23rd.
The first step after the birth control was that I started doing a daily injection of Lupron on June 4th (which basically negates your own body hormones so they can add on the specific amounts they want instead of my body producing its own). I’ve done one of these shots every day since then and am so happy to say that Wednesday was my last shot!!! 21 injections later and I’m done with them!! Woo hoo!! Then on June 18th (the day we flew to California) I added estrogen patches to the mix. Normally you’d wear one of these patches – and they have me on FOUR. Wowsers. I felt a little woozy starting those (and extra hormonal, obviously) – but overall it hasn’t been bad. Throughout all of this I’ve been going to weekly monitoring appointments to see how things are progressing (& acupuncture too – amazing!!). As usual, they do blood work (to measure hormone levels) and transvaginal ultrasounds to see how my uterus and ovaries are holding up. After an appointment last week they realized my estrogen levels were too low and added estradiol (an estrogen pill) to the mix. Today I add progesterone two times a day as well. Whew.
It sounds like a lot – but honestly – it has felt so easy compared to the stress of doing a stimulated cycle (where they stimulate your ovaries to harvest your eggs – like I did this spring for our first cycle). Now because they already have our embryos all they really need to do is prepare my body for the transfer so that I’m good and ready when those embryos are transferred to me!
Anyway – this is all to say that WE MADE IT! We are just a few days away from our transfer date now and getting really excited, nervous, and the whole mix of emotions. I can’t believe how time has flown, and I know having a crazy busy wedding season late May and all of June definitely helped with that! I had another monitoring appointment yesterday and found out my uterus lining was at 14mm (they like to see it above 10mm – so that’s great), and my estrogen levels are right on track. Now we just wait for the day to get here and continue on my medication protocol! I wanted to update you all on where we are so you know and because – as always – I want to educate people on the different processes and how this all works! Lord knows I had no idea how in-depth any of this was until I went through it myself!!
So – I have a few things I’d love to ask of you all (if you don’t mind):
1. There is some risk involved with thawing embryos. There is a possibility that embryos may not make it through the thaw… that we could lose one or both of them. I’m trying to stay positive, so I’m telling myself this isn’t even an option and that no way is that going to happen. (Obviously, in reality it is a possibility – which is so scary.) So – if you could send all your good vibes, juju, prayers, and whatever else you can towards those embryos and pray they make it through the thaw and are able to both be transferred – that would be amazing!!!
2. If you want to send all your good vibes our way on July 7th (next Tuesday!!! Ah!! So soon!!) – that would be amazing as well.
I cannot thank you all enough for the love and support, honestly. You have been absolutely amazing and your strength has helped us through this difficult time SO VERY MUCH. We love you all for it!! Stay tuned next week – I’ll make sure to post an update after our transfer!! Much love to you all!! xoxo