Hello sweet friends!! Last time we talked (a week ago) James and I were on our way to our embryo transfer without a clue about how our little “embies” (what we like to call them) were doing and what to expect!! We were nervous, excited, and any other combination of feelings that you can imagine. We were just praying that some were still growing strong and that they got good grades!!
I was told to come with a full bladder – because apparently that makes it easier for them to see my uterus the way they need to for the ultrasound during the transfer. I was warned by others who have gone through this to make sure I went to the bathroom before I left home – so I did. And yet somehow I still had to pee almost immediately upon arriving at the clinic (but had to hold it, as instructed). I really thought this would be no big deal – but nervous/excited energy + a drafty hospital gown + really having to pee – just don’t go well together!!! haha!!
They escorted us back to our room and we settled in for the wait. I think they make you sit in there for 30 minutes so that you really have to pee by the time they get to the procedure. I know I’m talking a lot about pee here… but man, you guys, it was not easy to hold it – especially with James teasing me!! We kept ourselves busy by laughing a lot and James snapped some pictures of me in my pee pain! haha
Finally we got a visit from the embryologist – the moment we had been waiting for!! We were told that of the 5 growing embryos we had left, one had stopped growing on day 4, and one other had made it to the blastocyst stage, but was irregular and not viable. So we had three remaining embryos and were told they all made it to the blastocyst stage and were all rated 1AA – the highest rating the clinic gives to embryos!!! This was fabulous news!!! Because of my age (young for fertility treatments, apparently), the embryo quality, and the fact that this was our first IVF – they advised us to only transfer one embryo. We agreed with their professional opinions and signed all the consent forms noting we were transferring one embryo and freezing the two viable blastocysts that were left.
After the embryologist left the room – James and I couldn’t stop smiling from ear to ear at each other!! That was the news we wanted to hear!! We were hoping so badly that the embryos were strong and viable and the doctor & embryologist seemed so positive about the outcome – we couldn’t help but be happy!! This was really the happiest we have been in a while – all goofy and laughing our butts off about who knows what! The nurse came in the room during one of our laughing fits and said she wanted to hang out with us today because we were having so much fun. 🙂 haha Keeping it light was definitely helpful!
Then came time for the procedure – and honestly – thinking about this gets me choked up every. single. time. They came in and prepped me for the transfer (yaaaay stirrups!), and put an ultrasound on my stomach so we could see my uterus. The doctor said, “Whoa! You really must have to go to the bathroom! You drank way more than necessary… We only needed a Lake Huron and you gave us a Lake Superior!!” hahaha… oops!! They also noted that the lining of my uterus looked great – which is wonderful news because that is key to implantation! Then we were told they were going to bring up a live feed video of our embryo from the lab onto the TV. They told James to get his camera ready – and then there it was. Our embryo … this microscopic little thing made up of the two of us… that could or could not turn out to be our first born child. I mean, wow. It was incredibly emotional and overwhelming. I was fighting back the tears and sitting there in awe.
All I could think was: 1) God is good. 2) Science is amazing.
All of our hopes and dreams resting on that tiny little thing’s survival. It is kind of scary and overwhelming, but so beautiful at the same time.
Then they told us to watch as they pulled the embryo into whatever it was that transferred it from the lab in the other room to me. (FYI – Friends got it way wrong. We did not have the embryos sitting in a petri dish on a table where we could talk to them like Phoebe did. I mean – come on! They need a controlled environment to survive! But don’t even get me started on that Friends episode! haha) We watched it get sucked up into what looked like a needle and then were told to turn our attention to the ultrasound screen where we saw it as it was placed in my uterus. SO CRAZY. You could see this itty bitty little blip go through the catheter and into me! And then that was it.
I got to go pee!!!!! haha
Then I headed to acupuncture where I did the post-transfer protocol, which really helped me relax and (hopefully) for my body to accept the embryo. On the way home James had a few errands to run while I waited in the car, and was driving super carefully to not hit any crazy pot holes or anything. He said, “I don’t care if people are mad that I’m driving slow! We have an embie on board, people!!” haha. It made me laugh so hard for some reason. We decided we needed one of those bumper stickers that says “Baby on Board” but instead have it say “Embryo on Board”… can someone make one of those?! haha. (Just kidding.)
I rested for two days on the couch – as instructed by the doctor – which was even harder this time than after the retrieval because I was starting to feel more like myself each day!! I wasn’t in pain or bloated, like I had been for the past couple weeks and so I was super antsy with the restrictions, but knew they were for good reason. We watched lots of Netflix that first day and James spoiled me rotten with his famous fried chicken on a pretzel bun sandwiches!! I did a couple crazy things – like eat a fifth of a pineapple each day following the transfer (including the core) – because supposedly that helps with implantation?! Who knows!! On day two – I got work done on my laptop, took a very leisurely walk around the block with Chloe, and have been adding more distance every day since. It is soooo nice to be feeling like myself again more and more each day, as my ovaries are recovering from what I put them through during this treatment. (I am anxious to get the “okay” to do yoga and lift weights again – hopefully sometime soon. For now, just lots of walking & stretching.)
Since the transfer we’ve been trying really hard to stay busy during the two week wait (the time between the transfer and the pregnancy test blood work at the clinic) – but MAN IT IS HARD. We have had lots of shoots, a wedding, and some beautiful spring days to enjoy – but if I’m being honest – it has not been easy!!! That excitement I felt on transfer day faded after a few days and doubts started to creep in. I went from being convinced that this was going to work – to worrying about how I would handle it if it didn’t work. Every day I feel like I have totally different emotions regarding all of it, and it certainly hasn’t been any easier on James. He hasn’t been sleeping well, and definitely has this on his mind as much as I do. Thankfully, the progesterone I’m on that I take before bed makes me really drowsy so I’ve been sleeping pretty well at least…. which always helps. We have more shoots coming up, and another wedding this weekend – so we’ll be busy enough! It’s funny though… as a self-employed person the days always seem to fly by sooo much faster than I want them too. There is never enough time for everything I need to do – and weeks zoom by at warp speed.
That is – UNTIL NOW. haha. Time is moving sloooowly (certainly not as slowly as if I was at a day job) – but still, moving so much more slowly than it ever has since we took our business full-time! I’m being extra productive with work because the harder I work – the faster the days go by. I’m taking Chloe for long, mind-clearing walks, and started a new book! I’m doing all I can to fill my days with things to keep my mind occupied, and yet – it always comes back to this. It is hard for it not to.
And so here we are … the waiting game. One more week until we know. I want it to be here now, and am simultaneously afraid to find out – afraid it might not have worked. And so we wait.
Thank you again for all your love and support, friends. You all are the bomb-diggity (yes, I still say that) and we love you to the moon and back for being amazing!!! We haven’t decided how we will handle sharing the news either way yet, but thank you in advance for your patience and privacy while we determine that when we find out the results. xoxo