Oh, Mother’s Day… like all holidays, it can be a truly wonderful time to celebrate, and at the same time incredibly loaded with so many feelings of loss, grief, and loneliness for so many people. I think so often we get caught up in all the Hallmark commercials and Facebook ‘shares’ about Mother’s Day that we forget there are so many people out there struggling their way through this weekend (and the time leading up to it).
For those who have lost their moms, have strained relationships with them, or for those who yearn so badly to BE a mom… this weekend can be incredibly hard. I try my best to be sensitive to that especially now and always. I also think it is important to acknowledge that so many women play other vitally important roles… guardian, mentor, aunt, fur-baby mom :), and more – to kids, pets, siblings, and others… and I believe those relationships deserve to be acknowledged too.
Last year when we were still trying naturally I found out the day before Mother’s Day that yet another month had not worked for us. I snuck out of bed early that Saturday morning after realizing it, and called my mom in tears while out on a walk with Chloe. She didn’t know what was wrong (because I had not yet told her we were struggling), and so naturally, she was worried about why on earth I called her at 8am sobbing so hard I couldn’t formulate the words I wanted to.
I eventually got it out.
I told her that we had been trying off and on since we got married, and that for whatever reason it wasn’t working. I told her about how badly James and I wanted to be parents, and how it was affecting our relationship at the time. I told her everything I had been feeling, and how angry I was that I got my stupid period on Mother’s Day weekend.
And as always, she just listened.
I don’t know why it took me so long to tell her (since my mom is one of my best friends and I seriously tell her EVERYTHING). I think I thought that if I didn’t say we were struggling out loud to anybody – then it wasn’t real. That someday it would just work and we could just pretend this struggle never existed. Looking back, that was so silly of me.
Telling my mom what we were going through felt like I had lifted 1 million lbs off my shoulders. And the best part was that I will never forget her first response… (it still makes me laugh to think of it)… “Oh Christy!!! And this whole time I have been praying that you wouldn’t get pregnant with twins, when I should have been praying that you would just get pregnant at all!!!” haha. (Back story, there are 5 kids in my family, the last two are my twin brothers – who somehow my mom carried all the way to term and they were 8 LBS EACH!!! My mom is my size, you guys. Do you realize what 16 lbs of baby + more looks like on someone my size?!? Me neither, because I was 2 at the time, but I can imagine! haha)
Anyway, hearing my mom’s love and support gave me the strength to start sharing our story with more and more people… which eventually, as you all know, led me to sharing it publicly with you all. And honestly, it is one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. I cannot even begin to tell you what it feels like to know James and I are not walking this journey alone, that we have so many people cheering us on, and that we are also helping those going through this to know they are not the only ones.
As you guys all know, we had our IUI two Mondays ago, and will find out this weekend if it worked. The irony that we find out over Mother’s Day weekend is most definitely not lost on me. haha. What timing! It could either be wonderful, or possibly very painful. (I really have no idea how I’ll react either way – to be honest.)
So I just wanted to leave this post by saying that we’ll keep you updated in time as we process the results from the doctor. I also wanted to wish everybody out there a wonderful weekend. May you find peace with whatever your circumstances are, and find joy in all that is good in your life. We will be enjoying a quiet weekend with family – which I do believe is just what the doctor ordered. 🙂
And of course I must send so much love to my own mom, who is such a light and inspiration in my life & one of my very best friends. Love you, mom!