The other day my dear friend, Jessica, posted this amazing quote on Instagram that resonated so much with me and I haven’t stopped thinking about it since. (Side note: Friends that make you think harder about life and push you to be a better person are really the best, aren’t they?)
So of course I had to go look up whose quote it was and came upon sooo many more wonderful thoughts from Pema Chödrön, who wrote the book, “When Things Fall Apart” (and now I must buy it and read it immediately).
The original quote Jess shared was:
“Nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know… Nothing ever really attacks us except our own confusion. Perhaps there is no solid obstacle except our own need to protect ourselves from being touched. Maybe the only enemy is that we don’t like the way reality is now and therefore wish it would go away fast. But what we find as practitioners is that nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know. If we run a hundred miles an hour to the other end of the continent in order to get away from the obstacle, we find the very same problem waiting for us when we arrive. It just keeps returning with new names, forms, manifestations until we learn whatever it has to teach us about where we are separating ourselves from reality, how we are pulling back instead of opening up, closing down instead of allowing ourselves to experience fully whatever we encounter, without hesitating or retreating into ourselves.” ~ Pema Chödrön
This is so much how I’ve felt about our entire fertility journey (and really, so many things through the course of my life… relationships, school, career, our business). Thankfully, I learned last year to let go of my desire to run from what we were going through and live IN IT. To stop pretending it didn’t exist and instead share it with others. To feel it all and embrace life as it was.
Because of that I’ve been so much happier this year than I was at the start of this journey. Because of that I’ve allowed myself to be in the moment with James, cherishing where we are and what we are learning about ourselves during this time. Because of that we are closer than we’ve ever been… but that only came to be because we allowed ourselves to be in it TOGETHER. To talk through it. To be open and vulnerable… to accept that this needs to run its course. With each day I learn something new about myself, about James, about us, about life…
I know that the longer I sit in this uncomfortable place, the better off I will be for it.
The stronger I will become.
The more grateful and empathetic I will be.
The more patience I will have learned.
And so here we are. In this moment, excited and nervous for the journey ahead, but not trying to rush it away – because I know it has to run its course. I know it has more to teach us… and I’m here – ready to learn.
As I head out the door this morning for a session, followed by the next step on this journey (another doctor’s appointment of blood work and sonograms) – I leave you with another beautiful quote by Pema Chödrön that moved me and had me nodding my head in agreement…